Journal: 19th April - I Cut Onions

On this date 2 years ago, my mum passed away without saying goodbyes. It was sad. Very sad. But as someone told me once, life goes on no matter what.

A year before she passed, she gave me a camera. It was an awesome DSLR. It has all the features i needed to take great photos and to make videos. I chose it. It was a gift. A gift for my satisfying SPM result, she said.

She knew that i like making videos. Every time she saw me making videos, she would try not to interrupt n in fact always supporting.

Once i had the chance to show my videos, she was the nearest to the tv to watch n laugh. Same goes to my pictures. She would look at all of my products i showed n sometimes complained.

Yeah, COMPLAINED.

She once complained on how smallllll the TV was at a bigggg event at school that played my video. She was there. She couldn't see my video properly. So she was very upset with the smalllllll tv but biggggg event hahahhahahaha

But at that moment, i knew, i was very happy inside.

The main reason i wrote this today other than to remember my mum is that, i want to motivate myself. I want to get back to the passionate being i was in what i love.

When she passed away, i stopped taking photos n videos, like i once used to. I would think that i now have no one else to show n impress to.

However, over time, God showed me that that was untrue. I still have my supportive friends and family who often time support in silence or through nuisance.

To heal n to get rid of the dark fogs in my head took time and great supports. I was wrong when i pushed things away. I was wrong when i wasted my skills away. I would live my life in guilt if i do not utilise my gifts starting today.

To mum, we all still miss u. Your absence is still felt deeply every, single, day. 

With love, your daughter.

-MR